And Then We Really Have To Go
by KK's Slave
Summary: Peyton has a perfectly stable life, that is until her past returns and her world comes crashing down. Yes, I suck at summaries. LPF
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in OTH...nothing...nada.**

**A/N: I wanted to try something different, and I'm probably the only person who likes Felix and Peyton, but I decided to try this anyway. I changed Felix's character a lot, because I don't like him on the show at all. In a way, this is a Lucas and Peyton fanfic. In a way, it is a Felix and Peyton fanfic. It's mostly Lucas and Peyton angst though...more like everybody angst. Please read and tell me if I should continue or not.**

* * *

To this day, I still don't understand how he could just get up and leave me like that. It took us some much time and so much energy to get where we got; looking back at everything that had happened to us, it would've been impossible for me to believe that we even made it that far. We probably had the worst timing anyone could ever have, and even though there was always something there between us, our relationship was beyond complicated and there was always something getting in the way. But, we finally got it all together, and decided that we had to make it work. And, I put my heart on the line, the only time I ever think I did, and tried to get past my fears of getting hurt. I even started to believe that he won't leave, that he won't hurt me, that he'll not break his promise. But, I was wrong. I guess I should've seen it coming; we were just sophomores and I guess everything started going against us again. I thought we had made it, but it turned out we hadn't. For, when I woke up, he was gone. Simply gone.

At first, I believed he would come back for me; after all, he was Lucas, the guy I've spent a whole year with, the guy that knew me probably better than anyone else. But, my hope faded away soon enough. He wasn't coming back. He had left me, like everyone else, and he just wasn't coming back.

That year, two twins moved to Tree Hill. At first, I gave them no time of day; I had my own problems to deal with. But, I soon started to befriend Anna, and that's how I met Felix, Anna's twin brother.

I never thought anyone could change my life the way Lucas did, but I was wrong. There was Felix. When we met, I was a broody depressed lonely teenager (hell, I still am, but that's beside the point) who had more than too many problems to deal with. Without Lucas, I was nothing. He had shown me a life better than what I used to have, and now that he was gone, I couldn't go back to the way it used to be in an instant. It just didn't happen. I thought I would never be happy again. I thought I would never be understood by anyone again. I thought I would never fall in love again. But, I did.

Felix and I were opposites, no doubt about that. But, somehow, we were the same. We connected, in a similar way Lucas and I connected. I don't know how it happened, or why it did, but it did. And, that's all I cared about.

He was there for me when I needed him the most. He was there to hold me, hug me, while I ranted or sobbed angrily, criticizing everything from my dad to Lucas. He stayed by my side, even when I got out of control and ruined everything. He was my other Lucas, minus the complications and the obstacles.

I'm in love with him, I really am. He wasn't just someone I used to get over my past; he was something more meaningful than that. I never thought that I would fall for him…ever. But I did, and looking back at all the times we have shared, I realize that it was bound to happen. Even though we started out as friends, but we were never just friends. And, everything between us is perfect.

Too bad perfect doesn't last.


	2. Same

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in One Tree Hill. I really don't know what else to say, so I won't.

"This is impossible! There is no way we're going to be able to get a good enough band to play before tonight," Peyton groaned, throwing her hands up in the air in a defeated manner.

"You're going to find something, don't worry about it," Felix calmly responded. "We have all day. It's only 9 in the morning, don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it!" Peyton rested her head on her hands. "Haven't you been listening? We have no one to play…no one at all!" And, then, in a slow murmur, she added, "Wish there was someone to help me find someone."

Much to her dismay, Felix heard her. His face grew serious. "Peyton, you promised! You promised you aren't going to call him again."

"I know," Peyton muttered irritably, 'I just need someone to play…"

"Peyton, you almost died last time!"

"I know, calm down," Peyton replied, avoiding any eye contact with Felix.

"Peyton, promise me you won't call Rick."

"I promise."

"Look at me and promise me." Peyton didn't move or answer. "Peyton. PEYTON."

Peyton looked up at him, and slowly muttered, 'I promise I won't call Rick."

Felix smiled, hiding his worry, and kissed Peyton's forehead. "I have to go meet Nathan. I'll see you later."

"What! You're leaving me alone with this crisis in my hands!"

"It's not a crisis. Besides, if you can't find anyone, I can do something." He smirked.

"Uh, Felix…you can't sing."

Felix's jaw dropped. "What!"

"Well, you can't," Peyton simply answered. "Remember Haley's party?" She laughed as she remembered Felix's so-called "moves".

"Hey! FYI, many chicks dig that!"

"Yea, I'm sure they do, Felix," Peyton retorted sarcastically.

"You know, if I weren't running late to see Nathan and you weren't so hot, I would kick your ass right now." He quickly kissed Peyton's cheek. "See you tonight."

He exited Karen's Café, where they were having breakfast, and Peyton, who watched him walk away, quickly took out her cell phone and carefully dialed a certain number.

"What took you so long? Didn't I tell you this was going to take long, and I have to go have lunch with Haley?"

"I know, calm down," Felix answered. "It's just 9:30."

"Sorry…it's just I haven't spent any time with Haley lately even though we're married and all, and I don't want to be late."

"This won't take long. I'll just pick one and we'll get out of here in a sec."

"Dude, believe me…it's not that easy. When I bought mine, it took forever. I wasn't sure which one Haley would like and I couldn't tell anyone about it."

"But, what's the difference anyway? They're all things that you put around your finger with huge white stones on them."

"They're called rings, and the white stones are diamonds, and it means a lot to the girl, so never say that in front of Peyton."

"I will remember that," Felix nodded, as he and Nathan walked into a store.

"Here it is. Engagement rings," Nathan muttered as the two boys rounded the corner.

"Hey, Nathan."

"Yea?"

"Do you…um…"

"What?"

"Do you think we're ready?"

"Felix, you're being paranoid. It will work out…you guys are totally in love."

"I know…but what if she says "no"? What if it doesn't work out in the end? What if we're too young?"

Nathan sighed. "Do you feel ready?"

"Well…yea."

"Then you're ready. Ok, now pick one already, so we can get out of here already."

The sign read "Welcome To Tree Hill".

He scoffed as he leaned back, reverting his attention back to "Of Mice And Men." Yea, welcome indeed.

His mind slowly drifted, as he thought back to the days he had spent in this town. He couldn't believe he was coming back. When he had left, he had promised himself that there was no way he would ever return to this small drama filled town where he would never be able to live a normal life.

Sighing, his thoughts reverted back to a certain blonde.

_Oh not her again…_

The only girl that invaded his thoughts, the only girl he had ever fallen for. He remembered everything about her…everything. The way her curly blonde hair covered her face on a rather windy day, the way her mouth opened slightly and her hazel eyes grew wide when she was shocked, the way her lips curved when she flashed her rare and beautiful smile.

_You can't be thinking about her…_

He remembered the last time he had seen her, lying on a hospital bed, her pale face expressionless, her eyes shut.

_Stop it! Stop it!_

He remembered sitting by her side, his hands tightly gripping her hand. He remembered silent tears flowing down his cheek as he saw the color drain out of the girl in front of him.

_Stop thinking about her…you can't think about her. You're over her, remember? Besides, she's probably gone…_

An image of a tombstone flashed in front of him.

**Peyton Anna Sawyer**

**1989-2004**

**Beloved Daughter, Loyal Friend**

**Strong, Independent, And Caring**

_She's probably gone…she's probably dead…_

The title of the chapter comes from "Same" by Snow Patrol.


	3. You Shouldn't Ever Came Around

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything on OTH**

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The car stopped, and that's when he started to get that pit-of-the-stomach feeling. He was there, and he couldn't hide anymore. He couldn't pretend that everything was and will be okay. Because, he knew it wasn't. While he was away, he had distractions. Now, he was back, and everything leaded back to one thing…Peyton.

And then, there was everyone else: his mom, Haley, Nathan...After he had left, he hadn't really kept in touch with them. He wanted to, of course, but it was just hard. He wanted to forget about the past, and talking to people from your past wasn't exactly the best idea.

Sighing, he reluctantly stood up, and followed Keith to the door. Karen's Café...he knew that one step inside would change everything. And, it did.

"Pick up, dammit!" Peyton mumbled to herself, her back leaning against the worn out wall in an isolated area of Karen's Café.

"Hey, this is Rick…leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Frustrated, Peyton shut off her cell phone, stuffed it in her purse, and walked over to the counter. The bell jingled behind her, but she paid no attention to it.

"Hey Karen, I'm going to head.." She stopped, noticing Karen's shocked face. "What?" Karen didn't say anything, just kept looking past Peyton. Curious, Peyton turned around as well, and stopped dead in her tracks.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to think, even. He was just there, looking back at her with his little broody eyes, frowning as usual. A million thoughts ran through her head, but she didn't know what they were. All she knew was that he was back. The guy who had left him while she was in a coma had returned.

"Peyton…"

Lucas stepped forward, nearing Peyton. When she didn't respond at all, he moved closer, placing his shaking hand on her cheek, as if making sure she was real and not just a fragment of his imagination.

_Slap!_

Yup, definitely real. All his past hallucinations of Peyton hadn't slapped him before. He rubbed is cheek, waiting for the pain to leave. Peyton, who was as surprised at her actions as everyone else in the café, ran out as fast as her legs could her. She didn't know what happened….it was all happening too fast, but she knew she had to get away…

"Peyton…" Lucas repeated once back, turning around to find the bell swinging back and forth, jingling madly. "Nice to see you too."

* * *

"Peyton?…Peyton…PEYTON."

Peyton turned around to find Felix walking towards her, looking slightly worried.

"Oh…um, sorry…hey," Peyton mumbled, trying to act like she was fine.

"Peyton, what's up? Why are you so…jumpy?"

"Jumpy? I'm not jumpy…I'm fine…"

"Peyton…"

Peyton sighed as Felix sat down next to her. "I...I'm just thinking…"

"'Bout?"

"Um...the day I woke up…from the accident…" Peyton gulped uneasily. "Felix…how…how did you get over what happened?"

"Well, I didn't actually." Felix pulled Peyton into a hug. "Something like that doesn't just go away, Peyton. It's like a scar, y'know? And, especially if someone close to you leaves you like that…it's hard."

"But…how do you just forget it? Like…stop thinking about it?"

"You don't. It just becomes part of your life…you know that."

"I know...I guess I just want to forget what happened."

"Yea…I wish that too. Those were dark days, Peyton. Finding out that your girlfriend just took off while you were lying on a hospital bed, no one knowing if you are going to die or not. And, then you wake up, and it gets even harder. You know that. You've dealt with that. But, to forget it completely…you can't. I think about it sometimes too, Peyton…about what happened. And, I have tried to hide from it. But, I can't…in the end, it will just be a scar. It will stay with you, but that won't change the future or the present. "

"Felix, I get that…but, what if…" She stopped. She didn't want to tell him about Lucas. "Never mind."

"Peyton, you can—"

"Talk to you…I know." Peyton smiled. "Don't worry about it, I'm fine. It's just one of those days…"

"Okay, fine." Felix smiled. "So, c'mon…we have to go."

"Where?"

"TRIC…remember?"

"Oh, shit…" Peyton stood up. 'I-I don't have—"

"Peyton…calm down."

"Felix, I told you…"

"Peyton, I told you….I said I would help you out, didn't I?"

"Well, yea…but…"

"I got someone to play."

"Let me guess…you?"

"Nope." Felix held up an autographed CD. "Jimmy Eat World. Is it just me, or—"

Peyton gasped, and hugged Felix, making it impossible for him to finish the sentence.

"Oh my god, I owe you so much!"

Felix smirked. 'I know…" He grinned mischievously , as Peyton playfully smacked him. Felix laughed and pecked Peyton on the lips, then followed her outside.

* * *

The title of the chapter is from "Scars" by Papa Roach.


	4. Blaming You For Everything

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything on One Tree Hill**

* * *

"Lucas, I'm going to TRIC, ok?"

Lucas quickly jumped off his bed, his eyes leaving the ceiling and landing on Karen, who was standing at the doorway.

"TRIC?" he asked, bewildered.

"Oh, it's an all-ages club Peyton and I opened."

Lucas's face stiffened. Great. Now, his mother and ex-girlfriend…well, he didn't know exactly what Peyton was to him right now…work together. Can things get any weirder? But, that didn't stop him from wanting to go. He wanted to see Peyton, talk to her…or maybe do more. It was going to awkward, maybe a little violent as well, but he wanted Peyton in his life again…now that he knew she was alive after all.

"Mom, can I come?"

Karen frowned, not responding.

You know you've made a mistake when your own mother doesn't want to take you to her own club, Lucas muttered to himself. He hated not being close to Karen like before; he hated not being able to have a conversation with her like before. Every time Lucas entered some room, the air became tense. Everyone was acting so distant, and Lucas grew more and more aggravated every time he met someone from his past.

"Mom…"

"Lucas," Karen interrupted, looking serious. "I know you want to see Peyton, but Lucas, she's happy. Ok? For the first time after you left, she's happy, and I would hate to see her become depressed again. It was hard for all of us to accept your departure, especially for Peyton. Yo-You didn't see her Lucas…it just broke my heart to see her like that." Lucas gulped, hanging his head in shame. He shouldn't have left, he knew that. "But then, Felix—"

"Who's Felix?" Lucas questioned anxiously.

"He's dating Peyton, Luke."

Lucas didn't say anything, just looked away. He didn't have to meet Felix to know that he hated him.

"He stole Peyton away from me," Lucas thought. But, then again…Felix didn't last a chance. Hell, Felix and Peyton…doesn't even sound right. Lucas was so much better for Peyton; he understood her, he connected with her…they just clicked. Felix? He was probably one of those guys who just wanted Peyton for sex…but, Karen did say Peyton was happy. Felix was making Peyton happy…someone other than Lucas was making Peyton happy…maybe this Felix wasn't just another average guy after all…wait, what was he thinking? Lucas was the only one who could make Peyton happy. ONLY HIM. There is no way Peyton is happy with Felix.

"Lucas, Peyton is happy with Felix," Karen mumbled, interrupting Luca's thoughts. "And, I don't want to see that get ruined. Lucas, I know how you fee—"

"No, mom, you don't know how I feel right now!" Lucas unexpectedly exclaimed. He hated when people tried to understand how he felt. They didn't know; no one knew except him. "Ever since I got back here, everyone's been trying to tell me how I feel, and what I should do. Well, guess what, I'm not a little kid anymore…I know what to fucking do and not do."

"Lucas, I'm just looking out for Peyton!"

"Yea, ok, look out for Peyton. Care about how she feels, but don't care about how I feel. Did you ever think that you and Peyton and all the other people weren't the only ones hurting? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I didn't feel like leaving? That it hurt me to leave?"

"Lucas, you're not making any sense right now! First, you tell me to stop trying to understand how you feel, and then you're yelling at me for not understanding how you might've felt!"

"Oh, so, now I'm the one who's not making any sense, right? Yea, I'm the wrong one here…everyone else is right!"

"Lucas, this is not about right and wrong!"

"No Mom, it is! Everyone's blaming me…"

"No one's blaming you Lucas! I'm just—"

"Looking out for Peyton? Yea, I know. And, why won't you look out for her? Bet she's like your daughter now, huh? The child that you've always wanted? Well, guess what, I hope you, Peyton and that Felix guy have a happy life together."

Lucas ran out of the house, leaving Karen perplexed and perturbed at the same time.

* * *

TRIC wasn't opening until half an hour later, but crowds of people have already gathered around the building. Felix, Peyton and Karen stood inside, getting ready for the night ahead, occasionally turning their heads to watch Jimmy Eat World set up on the stage. Karen and Peyton were chatting animatedly, as they did every TRIC night; however, this night was different. The atmosphere, usually crammed with enthusiasm, was strangely tense. All three of them noticed this, but none chose to comment on it.

"Hey, you guys!"

Peyton turned around to find Haley, Nathan, Brooke, Skills, Fergie, Mouth, Tim and Anna approaching them.

"What took you guys so long?" Peyton scolded. "We couldn't open the doors because of you." She didn't really care that they couldn't open the doors, but the uneasiness that had been surrounding her and Karen the entire evening had started to frustrate her. The more people that came, the less uncomfortable it would be.

"Relax Goldilocks!" Brooke answered in her normal cheery tone, bouncing up to Peyton. "We weren't even late…it's barely 6:30."

"That may be so," Karen interrupted. "But I think we should open the doors already. The crowd is getting pretty restless out there." Karen and Peyton glanced at one another for a second, each knowing what the other was thinking. It wasn't about the people or the money tonight; it was about ending the night.

Brooke hastily observed the people around her. Karen, Peyton, Nathan, Haley, Skills, Mouth, and Fergie looked unusually anxious, as if they knew a secret they've been forbidden to tell, while Felix and Anna seemed a little puzzled.

"What is up with everyone tonight?" Brooke muttered to herself, before joining the others at the entrance.

* * *

The title of the chapter comes from the song "So Far Away" by Crossfade 


	5. Tonight It Feels So Hard

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in One Tree Hill

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Everything was going as planned. Or not. Peyton wasn't exactly sure yet. Looking around the masses of teenagers that flooded TRIC that night, Peyton could not spot the dreaded face she sought. But, somehow she knew he was there somewhere. Hiding in the shadows, maybe, following her with his squinted eyes…Peyton quickly glanced at the corners of the room. Nope, not there.

"Where the hell is he?" she muttered to herself. She could safely rule out him not being there…she knew he was there, she could feel his eyes upon her. But, what bugged her was that he was hiding and watching, stalking even. Just then, a pair of hands grabbed her from behind.

"What the!" Peyton turned around herself in Felix's arms. "Oh…hey."

"You ready?"

"For what?" What the hell was Felix talking about?

"Jimmy Eat World…what else?"

"Oh," Peyton quickly responded. "Yea, of course I am."

"Peyton, are you sure you're okay?" Felix asked, worried.

"What wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you just seem kind of…distracted today."

"I'm fine…really."

Felix didn't believe her, but reluctantly mumbled, "Ok."

Felix let go of Peyton, leaning against the bar's counter, and watched her walk up to stage to announce the band.

"Hey y'all. Okay, so I know you guys have been waiting for this all—" She stopped. There he was. In the back, watching her intently. For some reason, even though she had known he was there all along, she was speechless.

"Lucas," she thought, as everything else faded out. But (fortunately) seconds later, someone stepped in front of Lucas, blocking her view. Quickly snapping back into reality, Peyton choked out, "Here's Jimmy Eat World" and stumbled off the stage and disappeared into the applauding crowd.

Jim Adkins, the lead singer, announced the first song. "This song is called Kill."

**Well, you're just across the street  
Looks a mile to my feet  
I want to go to you  
Funny how I'm nervous still  
I've always been the easy kill  
I guess I always will**

Peyton tried as hard to she possibly could to hide herself from him, but he knew he could see her perfectly. She didn't have to look at him to know that his piercing eyes were focused on her.

**Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? (chance?)  
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)  
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (hey hey, hey hey)  
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away**

Felix was concerned. What had caused Peyton to stop speaking. He had tried to find the person who she had been staring at, but couldn't get a good enough view. Then, his eyes landed on someone else.

"Rick," he muttered to himself.

**I can picture your face well  
From the bar in my hotel  
I wish I'd go to you  
I pick up put down the phone  
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes  
It's just like being alone**

Peyton closed her eyes. He was approaching her, she could feel it. She wanted to move, get away before he reached her, before he could talk to her. But, she just…couldn't.

**Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)  
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)  
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)  
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away**

Felix watched intently as Rick slid out one of the many doors of the club and disappeared into the empty hallway. He hesitated for a moment, then followed. However, when he got there, Rick had disappeared.

Did he turn left or right? Felix looked around, then turned left.

**So go on love  
Leave while there's still hope for escape  
Got to take what you can these days  
There's so much ahead  
So much regret  
I know what you want to say  
(Know what you want to say)  
I know it but can't help feeling differently  
I loved you, and I should have said it  
But tell me just what has it ever meant**

His touch was like electricity, shockingly powerful. She felt his hand clasp hers as a thrilling shiver traveled up her spine. Her eyes now open, she found herself just inches away from his face.

"Peyton."

Peyton looked up at those ocean blue eyes in which she had gotten lost into so many times… Peyton blinked. What the hell was she thinking? Peyton took a step back.

**I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)  
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)  
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break (hey hey, hey hey)  
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away**

"Peyton!" Grabbing Peyton's hands once more, he managed to stop her from leaving. "Peyton, look…before you go and before you slap me like last time, I-I have to tell you something.

Peyton didn't know what to say. She hated the effect Lucas had on her...wait, no, Lucas had no effect on her. No guy could have an effect on Peyton Sawyer. She was independent, she was happy, she was with Felix. No guy could waltz back into her life and leave her breathless. She wouldn't let them.

"What do you want?" Peyton asked coldly, regaining her composure.

"Peyton—"

"Lucas, can you stop stalling? Just get to the point, I have work to do."

"O-ok…" Lucas stopped. What was he going to say? They was a millin things he should say, a million things he needs to say, a million things he anted to say…but somehow he couldn't form any of these million thoughts into sensible words. He opened his mouth, closed it again, trying to figure out a way to describe what he was feeling, what he's been feeling for a while now.

"Lucas, if you're going to waste my time—"

"Peyton, listen—"

"No, Lucas, you listen!" she interrupted, causing a few people to turn around and glare at her. "You can't come back in here and do this. It's not fair!"

"I know—"

"No, you don't know. You know why? Because you left…because you weren't here."

She twirled around, and quickly exited the room. Reaching the vacant hallway outside, she leaned against the brick wall and took a deep breath. She hated him. Why did he have to come back? Why did he have to ruin everything when it finally seemed that everything will be okay? Sighing, she aimlessly started walking down the hallway, turning right and entering a small compartment, still lost in her bitter thoughts.

"Thought you needed to see me tonight."

Peyton looked up, alarmed. "Rick."

Lucas paced around, still not sure what to do. Should he follow Peyton or should he not? He wanted to, but what would he say?

* * *

**I felt for sure last night  
That once we said goodbye  
No one else will know these lonely dreams  
No one else will know that part of me  
I'm still driving away  
And I'm sorry every day  
I won't always love these selfish things  
I won't always live...  
Not stopping...**

"Why did I leave?" Lucas thought to himself. "Why the hell did I leave? If only I had stayed…"

But he knew he couldn't have, not at that time anyway. Not when the doctors claimed that there was a 90 chance that Peyton will never wake up again. He couldn't have faced that…it was easier to walk away, it was easier to leave.

It was my turn to decide  
I knew this was our time  
No one else will have me like you do  
No one else will have me, only you

He turned towards the stage for the first time that night. _No one else will have me like you do, no one else will have me, only you…_

You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?  
I'm here I'm now I'm ready  
Holding on tight  
Don't give away the end  
The one thing that stays mine

And, then, he knew what he would say. He would say everything…no lying or leaving out parts. Just everything. She had to understand, she just had to…

Amazing still it seems  
I'll be 23  
I won't always love what I'll never have  
I won't always live in my regrets

Felix was opening door after door, from the janitor's closet to the girl's bathroom, but still no Rick. Then it dawned upon him…he had come the wrong way.

* * *

"Rick, what are you doing here?" Peyton asked, after the initial shock was over.

"I think that would be obvious," Rick answered, smirking. "I told you, Miss. Sawyer, I'll be there when you need me, and by that introduction you just gave out there, looks like you need me." He opened his fist, revealing a small container with something white inside.

It was drawing her in again. She thought she wasn't addicted to it anymore, but just seeing it dangling in front of her, she couldn't help but reach out and grab it. And, when he did, she couldn't let it go.

"What is this?" she thought. "I stopped months ago…" She tried to loosen her grip and throw it away, but instead found her pocketing it.

Just then, the door fling open, surprising both Rick and Peyton.

"Get the fuck away from her!" In an instant, Felix had jumped on Rick and was tackling him down to the ground. Rick fought back, throwing in a few punches and kicks in self defense.

"Felix! Felix, stop!" Peyton did the best she could to keep them apart, but failed. "Felix, stop it! You could get hurt! You could get a cut, you could die!"

"Get off of him."

Now, all three of them turned around.

"Lucas," Peyton sighed, exaggerated. She couldn't take any of this anymore.

Felix stood up. "Who the hell are you?"

Peyton got between them. "Felix, it's not worth it, ok? You could get it."

"Peyton, don't worry about me, I'm fine." Turning to Lucas, he repeated, "who are you?"

"Lucas."

Felix's eyebrows narrowed in confusion, then rose in anger. "Oh, so you are the guy that left Peyton—"

"I didn't leave Peyton!"

"Oh, so skipping town and never contacting again is called not leaving, right?"

"Hey, why don't you mind your own business? Ou don't know what the hell you're talking—"

"I know damn well what I am—"

"Will you guys just stop!" Both of the guys stopped, alarmed at Peyton's outburst.

"Look, Peyton—" Lucas started.

"I don't want to hear it, Lucas. I just—I just what it all to stop. Just stop." She shook her head, confused, frustrated, and what not. She just needed to get out of there, she just needed it all to go away…

You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?  
I'm here I'm now I'm ready  
Holding on tight  
Don't give away the end  
The one thing that stays mine

**  
You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?  
I'm here I'm now I'm ready  
Holding on tight  
Don't give away the end  
The one thing that stays mine... **

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All of the songs are by Jimmy eat World. The first oneis Kill, and the second one is 23. The title of the chapter is also from Jimmy Eat World, but it's a different song: Polaris. 


	6. Forever Falling

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in One Tree Hill.

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Pain. 

The one constant in her always-altering life. The one thing that had always remained. The one thing tat will always remain. Never changing, never leaving. Happiness? What the fuck was that? She had only heard of such a word, only seen it when she had gazed at her two best friends, Nathan and Haley, but never had she felt it. Or, maybe she has, but was too overwhelmed by the pain swirling around her to remember. But, maybe it was better not recalling something that she will never encompass for a long period of time. Whenever a small wave of happiness reaches her, a larger stronger wave is always waiting to wash it away. It was useless reallyhoping, believing, trusting…thinking.

She eyed the bottle carefully, watching it lay on the sand innocently. Heh, innocent. That's what it wanted her to believe, the damn thing. She fell for it too a while back; the innocent thing seemed to get to her. The look, the damn look; she could swear **he** looked at her the same way. And, she had fallen for it over and over and over. Not this time, though. She wasn't going to let it get to her; she wasn't going to let him get to her. He had taken so many things away from her; her confidence, her wall, her heart; it wasn't going to happen again. Snatching the bottle up from the sand, she quickly opened it while pulling a dollar bill out at the same time.

_If you're really not going to let him get to you, why are you taking it now?_

Damn her thoughts. Why did she have to think all the time? She wished she was drunk now; just like she had been a while back. She wouldn't care then; she wouldn't stop to contemplate what she was doing. She would just do it…

**FLASHBACK**

Nothing mattered anymore. It was all gone for the night. Kind of. She could still see his face in front of her; no matter how much she drank, he was still there. Another gulp, another memory. That's how it worked. But, there had to be a point when everything faded away, like it was supposed to. He couldn't stay there forever; right?

"Looks like you're trying to forget something."

Peyton ignored the voice; no one could tell what she was trying to do. Another gulp. She could sense her companion smirk, but she chose to ignore it. She was too wasted to respond fully anyway.

"What if I told you I could help you?"

"Not like i haven't heard that before," Peyton replied, almost sounding sober. "Never worked."

"What if I told you this would work?"

"Then, I would say you're dellusional; if alcohol doesn't work, nothing"

She stopped, staring at the container right under her nose.

"Trust me; this works."

Too curious and too drunk to question anything at that moment, she grabbed the container and carelessly open it. A sniff. An addiction. A near-death situation. All because of **him**.

**END FLASHBACK**

_By taking it, doesn't it mean you are letting him get to you, just like old times?_

"No!"

Her reaction was quick, almost instantaneous. The faint whisper of the waves died down, as if they too were focused on the screaming teenager before them. A smash, a wince, a puddle. That's all it took. She could resist him, she could resist anything. Leaving a red residue on her jeans as she wiped her hand, she collasped on the sand, exhausted. Her palm still was still stinging, but she was too overwhelmed to care.

Happy? No, she wasn't happy. She never will be, she supposed. But, at the moment, she was fine. And, she didn't need him or a substance to make her fine. She could do it herself; she could take care of herself, the way it was supposed to be.

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That was kind of short. Sorry it took so long…I was being lazy as usual. 

The title comes from Falling Down by Travis.


	7. Another Runs Away

Disclaimer: Same as others…don't own it, bla bla bla

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She usually wasn't one for squints; it was more of Lucas's 'thing'. But, when one wakes up to find the intense sunlight hittingher face, there is just one thing she has to do, and that is to squint. Turning away from the direction of the sun, her eyes returned to normal…wide-eyed and hazel. With, as usual, a clearly visible tinge of apprehension shining out. Her palm throbbed, her head swirled, as if she had consumed alcohol, even though she hasn't. At first, confusion had stuck her…what the fuck was she doing on the beach? Then the events from the past night had flooded back, and groaning, she rose to her feet, stumbling and mumbling incoherent thoughts. It took some time to adjust to walking again, and after making a mental note to herself to never sleep on the beach again, she made her way towards her car. Only to find it not there. 

"Shit, I walked here." Luckily, both TRIC and her house weren't far away, and she could reach her comfortable bed in a matter on minutes. Well, she could, if she wasn't so worn down with fatigue at that moment. How she made it to her house, she did not know. All she did know was that by the time she got there, she could hardly feel her legs anymore. And, then, as if that weren't enough, an unpleasant surprise awaited her.

Lucas. On her front steps. Fortunately, he had dozed off, and even though he was quite strong normally, his strength while he was fast asleep was to no avail.Peyton clambered her steps, ready to dive into the soft cushiony goodness that awaited her upstairs, not caring at that moment for Lucas or Felix or anything else that had gone terribly wrong the previous day. Then, a realization struck. It wouldn't be long after Lucas would wake up, scream her name, wake her up from her Lucas-free dreams (or at least she hoped) and apologize, which would frustrate Peyton even more. So, where to go?

"Haley," Peyton thought, fumbling through her pockets for her keys. Haley would probably be home, awake at this hour, busy working on some sort of errand. Peyton knew her best friend would understand and allow her to crash there without any explanation. And, that's what she needed and longed for.

"Aha!" She had finally found her keys, and walking over to her car that stood right before her, she opened the door, which somehow seemed a lot heavier than usual. She knew she shouldn't be driving right now, or walking even – she was way too exhausted for anything. But, then again, everyone knew she was the worst driver….ever. Hopefully, they would stay out of her way and prevent any sort of injury to themselves.

"Peyton?"

Oh shit. Not this. Not now. She twirled around, frowning. Felix. He had come to see her, 'check up on her' and apologize. And, the last thing she needed was someone to talk to her right now.

"What?" Peyton barked, her response seeming a little harsher than she wished it to be. She winced, catching the pain evident in Felix's eyes, but did not apologize. Speaking would just make her feel even more lightheaded.

"I just came to say sorry," Felix responded, hiding his hurt well, even though Peyton could see right through his façade. "But I understand this isn't a good time." His eyes flickered to her front steps, where Lucas lay, his chest rising slowly with each breath he took.

"He looks kind of like an angel," Peyton thought, glancing back at Lucas as well. Then, after mentally slapping herself for even letting such a thought cross her mind, she turned back to Felix. "No, it's okay. What did you want to talk about?"

"Us." Well, yea, she figured. The conversation was dragging, and Peyton daydreamed for a second for the bed she was supposed to be lying in right now.

"Look, Felix," Peyton replied, trying to keep the conversation short, "it's fine. We're fine. Last night, I was a bit…off." Then, she realized, herbleedinghand was in full view of Felix. Luckily, he was too busy apologizing, or attempting to,to notice her blood red palm. She hid it from his view quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice afterwards. "I'm fine now." Noticing Felix's unconvinced look, she assured, "Seriously. I'm fine Felix."

"Well, I didn't help the situation much," Felix muttering. Peyton quickly managed to stop him from going any further.

"Felix, it is okay. I'm serious." She flashed him a fake smile, kissed him quickly, and got inside her car. "I have to go see Haley…see you tomorrow?"

Felix, who was still sustaining the not-so-convinced look, quickly suggested, "How about tonight? I would love to take you out."

"But I want to sleep tonight," Peyton whined to herself, but aloud, she replied, "Sure. I'll see you." And drove off, leaving both Felix and Lucas behind her.

"Now bring me that bed," she thought."Yo ho yo ho...holy shit, I sound like Jack from Pirates of the Caribbean. Something is seriously wrong here."

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The title of this chapter comes form "Be Yourself" by Audioslave 


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